you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
