1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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