Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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