where am i from again
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
