when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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