I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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