Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
