I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
