That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I would ride that face into the sunset
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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