my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
