If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
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