when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize