omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
