Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
