she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
