Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize