I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
