Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
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