I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
