Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
