I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
