i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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