The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
