I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
