i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
