whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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