dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
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