everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
