he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
