barbara walters just said penis...
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
