I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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