You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
That accounts for only three of the penises
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Randomize
