So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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