i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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