So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
