there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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