fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
