i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
