I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
