i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
