Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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