glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
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