i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
