I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
