yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
