its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
