Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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