I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
