My room smells like vodka and shame
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
