now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
