just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
