I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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