i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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