It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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