I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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