allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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