i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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