I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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