I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize