he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
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Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
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Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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