I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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