Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
