is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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