Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
