Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
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He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
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maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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