now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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