You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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